'Listening Is One of the Loudest Forms of Kindness'

Being a good listener is one of the most important life skills anyone can have. And i is said that “listening is one of the loudest forms of kindness.”

Watch this TED Ed video “Being a Good Listener” from last quarters D&I Digest and think through these four key points:

  1. Good listeners egg us on. It's hard to know our own minds. We often worry in the vicinity of something, but do not quite close in on what's bothering or exciting us. We benefit from encouragement to elaborate, to go into greater detail, to push a little further.  

  2. Good listener urges clarification. It is easy to say vague things. We simply mention that something is lovely or terrible, nice, or annoying, but we do not explore why we feel this way. The friend who listens often has a productive and friendly suspicion of some of our own first statements. That friend is after the deeper attitudes that they are lurking in the background. 

  3. Good listeners do not moralize. They give the impression that they recognize and accept our follies. They reassure us that they are not going to shred our dignity. Our vulnerability is something they warm to, rather than they are appalled by. 

  4. Good listeners separate disagreement from criticism. They are powerfully aware that a lovely person could end up a bit muddled and in need of some gentle untangling. When we are with people who listen well, we experience a powerful pleasure but too often we do not realize what it is this person is doing that so nice. By paying strategic attention to the pleasure, we can learn to magnify it and offer it to others, who will notice, hear and repay the favor in turn.